Lethal Salads

My father taught us many things growing up, including that vegetables were bad for you. He doesn't like them, in fact he despises them. To this day the hides them in his napkin, mashed potatoes, under the table etc to avoid having to eat them. It's a miracle that my sister and I grew up liking vegetables eating with a parent who would say "don't touch them! They're poisonous!!" As we got older, Amy and I joined the fight of taking care of my dad. Now there's three of us at every meal putting veggies on his plate and sitting there watching him like a small child until he eats them. We also do terrible unspeakable acts like make him drink water and take his vitamins, pure evil things. I always thought he was silly and that no harm could ever come from eating vegetables... I was wrong.

Tonight we were served a salad with dinner. A sort of make your own with a plate of lettuce, a carrot, cucumber, tomato, etc. I put some lettuce into my bowl where I would then break it up. Out of the big pieces popped a giant centipede looking thing. It ran out of the bowl and onto my lap. Wayne quickly said "move! Don't touch it!" I instinctively jumped up but thought he was kidding. I said, half-jokingly, "should I kill it?" He replied with an urgent "YES! It's poisonous!"

All those years we thought poor Dan Bernoske was just being silly, it turns out he was right. Vegetables ARE poisonous. Nobody listened to him! I had it coming! Dad, I promise to never force another vegetable down your throat. You win.